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It Increases as it Goes

It Increases as it Goes (fictionalley, 2006)
- Harry, OotP (Katie, Fred, George, Remus)

Back when I first read the Order of the Phoenix, I identified with Harry's anger. I thought often about what might occur if he decided to cope with his as I had done with mine -- by turning to self harm. Eventually, I wrote this. At the time, I thought I was 'in recovery', but I had a lot left to learn (about self-harm and about writing), so keep that in mind, if you read this.

However, in the heat of my own battle against self-harm, I captured something. A month after posting the fic, I received the following review from "Wandering Dragoness":

I personally really liked this fic. I have cut for a while, quit, and then started up again, a lot like Katie. I think you were great at getting into the mindset, and I love that you used someone other than a goth type girl as a cutter.

I completely understand the 'It' thing. I haven't cut for long-- only about 6 months, and I was clean for a while in there. I am not a major cutter, and mine don't bleed much, but really, it isn't quite the blood that's the point. But the It really grabs you, and you can't stop.

I want to say that this fic has helped me to quit, and since the first time I read it, I have been clean. That's four weeks. Thanks.

I wanted to communicate with WD, but felt paralyzed -- I knew how the very mention of self-harm made me want to engage in it, and I feared WD was similarly sensitive. If I had known then what I know now, maybe I could have composed something, but I never contacted WD, and there's no way to know if I should have, or what the future held for her.

However, the process of writing the fic, and the validation I received upon reading the review, gave me motivation and self-knowledge to "quit" -- it would be  three years before I cut myself again when before that I'd struggled to go 5 weeks without it -- though it never really left, I gained incredible strength in resisting it (there was a time when it was nearly involuntary). This story represents my first steps at learning how to use writing to understand myself. I was lucky that another person found this understanding valuable -- I can only hope to be so lucky in my future writings.

I'd like to, one day, write the sequel I alluded to, though, I think, more than a sequel, it will be a retake -- I'm interested to approach the same story as an adult. But it may not be soon, it may be never. Adults are busy.

Thank you for you time, A.S.
read the fic at fictionalley.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 11th, 2010 10:43 pm (UTC)
The game is to say something new with old words

You are so, o important to me. I admire you and I am richer for knowing you. I'm not arrogant enoug to think that that will "cure all". But I hope it helps.

We'r al here for you, if you need us to be, f you're ready for us to be.

So Much Love,
Not-So-Anonymous <3

Sep. 12th, 2010 01:53 am (UTC)
Re: The game is to say something new with old words
<3 I'm wordless.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Aolani Spylaris

abt. here

Harry Potter fanfiction is what I do here, but occassionally I might do something visual or multimedia.

If you believe you know my RL identity, please be discreet. I explore some sensitive issues here, and only your kindness and my anonymity makes that honesty possible.